Comments on Bannable Offenses: Theme Week - [GM]Dave's Childhood - Vol. 7

I did something like that when I was a kid, earlie...

2008-10-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

I did something like that when I was a kid, earlier than you though. I faked headaches, terrible, terrible headaches. I had cat-scans. The whole deal. Now as an adult, when I get headaches, they are terrible, terrible headaches. Retribution is a bitch isn't it Dave?

Hey Dave, just lettin' ya know I appreciate the bl...

2008-10-20T23:15:00.000-07:00

Hey Dave, just lettin' ya know I appreciate the blog! Great work, always very funny

i lied and got out of a couple weeks of school say...

2008-10-20T17:02:00.000-07:00

i lied and got out of a couple weeks of school saying i was being bullied. no repercussions. you win on time, i win on no ulcers

I had my gall bladder out when I was 17 (15 years ...

2008-10-20T12:06:00.000-07:00

I had my gall bladder out when I was 17 (15 years ago, for those that want to do the math), and the next day was scheduled to go home (it went really well). The nurse had put the IV in my forearm, which kept it out of the way and didn't make me worry about bending my elbow (I'm always afraid some ripping/blood spurting will ensue). They had taken the tube off and just left the nub (capped) in my arm. It was taped down with this REALLY sticky clear tape. Well, they forgot to remove it before releasing me. I was sitting on the hospital bed waiting for them to come take it out, and the nurse was just like "Okay, bye!" I got her attention before she left the room and showed her the stub.

She made a really pissed off face (she was a total bitch), grabbed the nub (tape and all), and TWISTED. She wrenched the thing side to side, twisting and bending at the same time to get the tape to let loose. I stared down at my arm in horror as she did this, and continued to watch with my mouth hanging open as she tried (with much difficulty - surprise, surprise) to stop the bleeding when she finally got it out.

Then, I could only shudder and be glad that they had used some kind of flexible needle.

Still gives me the chills, even now. I wish I had punched her in the face.

Yea, and each time Jormy bitchs, "Another n00b? I...

2008-10-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

Yea, and each time Jormy bitchs, "Another n00b? I FUCKING WANTED STEAK!"

The guy offering the menu (when the delivered meal...

2008-10-18T23:34:00.000-07:00

The guy offering the menu (when the delivered meal was never going to change) seems to be your role model for serving up food to Jormy... Only you're offering the menu to the meals not the Dragon.

IV stories, eh? I have one. Somewhat recent, as a ...

2008-10-18T21:02:00.000-07:00

IV stories, eh? I have one. Somewhat recent, as a matter of fact. It happened about a year ago. So, there I was, at my house, minding my own business. My stomach starts hurting a bit, but I think no big deal. Then my feet start to fall asleep. Then my legs. Then my arms. At this point, I know something is really wrong, so I call up 911. By the time they get there, I'm finding it hard to breathe. Turns out I'm going into shock, so they try and hook up an I.V. to give me Epiphedrine. Once, twice, three... four times. Five. They can't get it in, and I'm fucking dying. Six... seven... I can barely feel anythign anymore. Finally one of the paramedics grabs an Epi-Pen and slams it into my leg, because they couldn't get the damned IV working. If it wasn't for that guy, I would have died.

I guess I'm a really twisted woman because I laugh...

2008-10-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

I guess I'm a really twisted woman because I laughed over the IV spurting story harder than I think I've ever laughed at one of your stories and I do a lot of giggling. I hate needles. I felt your pain.

Once a nurse made me pass out and stop breathing by putting in and IV. It hurt! Well that and I was already messed up from the anesthesiologist who messed me all up with too much whatever he did. True story!

Don't worry, I started breathing again in case you were worried I was a ghost typer. Now that would be impressive.

Eleven years back, I had a bad experience with an ...

2008-10-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

Eleven years back, I had a bad experience with an IV too. I was in for appendicitis.

So they go to put the needle into the back of my hand, having used a local anaesthetic. As I discovered that day, and proved recently when I went in for an unrelated procedure involving a local, that shit doesn't work well on me. They started putting the needle in, and I damn well felt that son of a bitch.

They have some difficulty, and try the left hand. Then they have even more trouble, and go back to the right hand again.

I'm not lying when I say this, I did the same thin...

2008-10-18T17:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not lying when I say this, I did the same thing in 6th-7th grade. I'd fake stomach aches and stay home and watch T.V./play Unreal Tournament. Then in 7th grade I got two stomach ulcers and was in and out of the hospital about 8-9 times for tests and a procedure where they take a long tube with a camera, and stick it all the way down to your stomach. Fun shit. Oh and the best one was where they wanted to monitor you over night so they would take another tube with a sensor on the end and stick it in through your nose down to your stomach...24 hours of that.

But your case sounded a lot worse.

My heart goes out to you, Dave.Strange the things ...

2008-10-18T17:38:00.000-07:00

My heart goes out to you, Dave.

Strange the things stress can do to you. If I hadn't become an expert at weaving webs of lies, I would have been in the same situation.